How Much Is Too Much/Too Little?

How much help do you provide your child when it comes to completing a homework assignment?  How do you handle it when, even after explaining the scenario, your child is so frustrated by the process that she is in hysterics saying she can't do it? These questions are not rhetorical so by all means, feel free to answer.

There really is no way to put this gently.  Katherine has more trouble putting a sentence together, forming a paragraph and summarizing a book/passage than I have ever seen.  It doesn't seem right to me that it is still so difficult more than halfway through her fifth grade year. This only comes out in her writing; her speaking and language is fine (though generally it is very simplistic). 

These problems are not new to Katherine.  In both first and second grade she received Title I services for reading/ ELA.  She made some decent gains and was dropped for third and fourth grade.  I still thought at that point that she needed extra reinforcement particularly with writing.  Toward the end of fourth grade, after many discussions with her teacher (who saw some of the same problems but attributed Katherine's struggles to more of an attention/motivation concern), I decided to request an evaluation.  The results indicated that she had pretty much average capabilities across the board.  I would have to look back, but I don't specifically remember her being given any kind of writing assignment as part of the testing.  There is no question in my mind that this would have indicated a marked weakness for her had such a test been administered.

A number of weeks after Katherine's most recent report card, I checked in with her teacher, explaining some of my serious concerns with her writing and asked her if she had made any progress since the report card came out.  She said she had some of the same concerns and suggested we meet.  At the meeting we both agreed that the problem was real and her teacher suggested that since her testing came back okay,  perhaps we should go the medical route and see if there was another possibility (read: ADHD).  After filling out parent and teacher surveys, we met with the doctor, who said, yes, based on our discussion and surveys it seems like she may have the ADHD: inattentive type.   She thought medication would be the best route and though I didn't jump right on that bandwagon with Emily,  by this time with Katherine, it just seemed like the right thing to do.  So here we are three or four weeks in to the medicine (which is supposed to be fast acting as in immediate) and nothing has changed.  She isn't on a high dose (10 mgs which could go as high as 30-40 mgs but the doctor said that is usually what they would prescribe a teen) and of course, the first medicine tried might not work.  Katherine was so frustrated and worked up about this specific writing assignment that she was hysterically crying and having serious stomach pains.  Seriously, I was half jokingly wondering in my own thoughts if the child needed an anti-anxiety medication as well.

I can't be their frontal lobe....my own has a problem functioning correctly for me never mind trying to do the work for someone else. So, in the instance of this assignment, I made her do half of it.  I could not see forcing her to finish it in the condition she was in.  The quality of her work would have suffered above and beyond the struggles she already has with it and besides that, I felt really bad for her.  Should fifth grade really be this stressful?  It's freaking fifth grade.  Admittedly, we should have started this assignment earlier on in the weekend.  Instead, we enjoyed a stress free, fun family weekend and I refuse to feel guilty about that.  I am going to send in a note to her teacher with the part of the assignment that is complete and let her know that the rest will be in on Tuesday.  Maybe this is a cop out.  I don't know and really, I don't care.

What I do know is that for Katherine's sanity and mine, we need to figure something out, and quickly.

All advice, constructive criticism, and thoughts are welcome and appreciated.

Dear Emily and Katherine,

Please remember to be very specific with your younger, very literal, sees everything as black or white sister.  For example, if you are telling her that you don't want her following you, please be sure to also say that it doesn't mean that she can't even be in the same room as you, or that you may not tolerate her following you every once in a while.  Otherwise she will think that because you said it once, you mean it to be a permanent thing.  If you then say that she can come in the room you are in, she will accuse you of lying when you told her not to follow you in the first place.  If you are letting her use one of your toys, please make her aware of the "terms of use."  If she can use your doll but you don't want her taking said doll's shoes off or if she can use your DSi game but for only a limited time, you must make her aware of this.  If you aren't very specific, your doll's shoes could be removed and, she may think that you have in fact given her the DSi game for an unlimited time and possibly even forever. For Julia, it's all in the details.  Please be generous and abundant when providing them.  In the case of Julia, there is no such thing as too much information.

Sincerely, Mom

I was reminded yesterday...

...of a funny story from way back when Katherine was about five or so.

Yesterday, Emily was watching a show on Animal Planet (I think) about crocodiles, alligators and reptiles in general. She loves watching those kinds of shows. Very often I will find her watching Discovery, Animal Planet or the History Channel. She's fascinated by it all and similar to Ryun, absorbs the information like a sponge. Ask her how to survive stranded in the woods? She'll know. Stuck on an island in the middle of nowhere? if Emily is with you, have no fear...she'll either find a way to get you home or find a way to make the conditions livable. Chat with her about what has been found on archaeological digs and what it means historically and she'll know that too. Need to write a report on sharks...no need to go to the library...just ask Emily. When I say sponge...I am not kidding. Between her and Ryun, they know the most obscure and random things...things you would never think you need to know...until you do.

Anyway, Emily watching the show about reptiles reminded me of the time I called Ryun on the way home from somewhere and asked him to"stir the crock." Katherine, who was with me in the car said (and yes, she was dead serious), "Mom, are we really having a crocodile for dinner? That is so cool!"

Today is a new day...

...and thank God for that. It amazes me the difference a day can make.

So the insurance thing kind or worked it self out...not in the best way it could of but better than nothing. We will have the "good" insurance plan from Ryun's union for at least the next month and maybe beyond. So yesterday? I made five dentist appointments (one for each member of the family), two eye doctor appointments (one for Emily and one for me) one appointment with my counselor, and two well check visits with the pediatrician (one for Emily and one for Katherine). All taking place during the month of June. Hello busy month!

Today is already shaping up to be a better day...I feel better, I have lunch plans with my sister and nephew and then I have Julia's kindergarten concert. I can't wait to hear her and her classmates sing! Tonight I will be at the school committee meeting on behalf of the MECC School Council, presenting the school improvement plan to the School Committee.

Yay for a busy but fun day!

Over Dinner

Tonight's dinner table conversation -

Katherine (in a joking manner after being silly): What would life be like with out me?

Emily: Normal.

Katherine: Yeah, but normal is boring!

I love my Katherine! : )

Favorite Recent Pictures Of The Kids

Emily

Katherine

Julia

Somehow...

...ten years have passed since Katherine was born.

I have no idea how, because it seems like it was just last week that I was peeling squash and potatoes at my mother's kitchen table, in preparation for a dinner I would not even get to eat. It seems like it was just last week when Thanksgiving Day came and gave me one of the greatest reasons ever to be thankful.

Somehow, ten years have indeed gone by...



...and Katherine has gone from my baby...



...to my beautiful little girl.

Happy Birthday Katherine!

FYI

Adventures In Education has been updated, again.

Katherine's Birthday Photos

As you can tell, the skateboard we got her was a big hit!

She is starting basketball in a couple of weeks so this was the perfect gift.

Cupcakes for breakfast...a time-honored tradition.

One of Mimi and Papa's presents was getting her ears pierced!

She did a great job...barely even flinched.

Goofballs.

Somehow...

...nine years have passed since Katherine was born.

I have no idea how, because it seems like it was just last week that I was peeling squash and potatoes at my mother's kitchen table, in preparation for a dinner I would not even get to eat. It seems like it was just last week when Thanksgiving Day came and gave me one of the greatest reasons ever to be thankful.

Somehow, nine years have indeed gone by...



...and she has gone from my baby...



...to my beautiful little girl.

Katherine...Through The Years

First Day Of School

*UPDATE* In a nutshell, it went off without a hitch. Emily and I got up way too early (5:45)and she had more than a 1/2 hour to kill before getting on the bus. The downtime is nice though, so we may just keep it that way. The bus came at 7:15. She was funny asking me not to take a picture of her actually getting on the bus (as if I would right...okay, okay I did but it was from a distance on the deck...LOL). Yes, I got a tad teary -eyed watching the bus drive away, in keeping with the "I cry about everything" tradition. She's my baby though...and she's going to middle school, which if you ask me seems impossible seeing how she was just born, like last week or something.

Katherine, who was making a little milestone of her own by switching to the "big school" and going to 3rd grade, did very well. It was totally weird, waiting for the bus with just her, as opposed to her and Em. I am sure it will be even weirder next year when Julia will be in kindergarten and waiting with Katherine to go on the bus (Speaking of crying, next year there could be a new river forming in Middleboro ).

I have to admit, I did like the "staggered" start times. Getting one kid at a time ready and out the door is just easier.

Katherine: Before and After

Adorable isn't she? The hairdresser was AMAZED by her hair and said in all her years of cutting hair, she never come across a child with so much.

Random Thoughts

...I was thinking earlier, after Katherine was obviously angry and jealous when Emily won an award at VBS tonight and she didn't, that it must be hard living in the shadow of Emily. I don't really know how to describe in words exactly what I am trying to say but it's something like this: Emily has the luck, skill and confidence that practically makes her succeed in everything she does. Katherine, while she has the skill, is more like me: luck and confidence are not on her side. It's a hard thing to balance; being excited for Emily and at the same time trying to understand and sympathize with Katherine. Because dude, I can totally understand the unluckiness and lack of confidence. They both need to understand (Katherine more so) that nothing is ever a competition between them, but rather, that each person has their own unique skills and talents.

...Talking about Julia tonight made me realize that not everyone is going to fit some specific mold that is set forth by the powers that be. She's unique, she's "different," and she's special and that's ok. Forcing a square peg into a circle will only strive to make her even more uncomfortable than she already may be. Give her the tools she needs to find her own level of "comfortableness," even if that doesn't end up being what's considered "normal."

...there could be something quite powerful in putting your faith in to something or someone that you aren't even sure exists. Shhh, don't tell, but I am thinking seriously about joining a bible-based church. I know, right? Who'd have thunk? I haven't made any decisions yet but at least I am thinking about it .

...And I think that's all for profound thought tonight, folks. Time for me to hit the proverbial sack. Peace it.

On The Medical Front

Today was Katherine's 8 year check up at the doctor. We were a little behind (she should have gone in January which would have been a year from her last appointment) but late is better than not at all. She gained 5 pounds and grew 4 inches in a year and a half. We talked a little bit about the bed wetting because, despite my best efforts not to let this happen, she continues to be embarrassed and concerned about it. Based on her history with blood sugar issues he recommended a urinalysis and culture and the girl who can pee at the drop of a hat? Couldn't go. So, we brought it all home for her to do here, and I will just bring it back. The doctor was as charming and humorous as usual. The sad news is that he will be retiring in September. I am a little sadder about this than I would be under normal circumstances, I think because he was my pediatrician as a kid from the age of 2 on. I am going to specifically request that my kids files get passed right on to his son, Dr. B the second, who we have seen a few times and really like.

In other sort of medical-related news I went ahead and sent in the E2 form to the Autism Research Institute based on my observations of Julia. They score it free of charge which was nice, and I just figured it would give me a baseline to go by. The results were exactly what I thought they would be. She scored a -26. What this is means is that it would be unlikely she would be diagnosed officially with autism, but that she would be described as "autistic-like." Not quite sure what the difference is but I think it means that she displays some, not all of the traits of an autistic child. The exact description said this: "Children who score -16 or lower on the E2 form are generally not regarded as truly autistic, but instead are typically described as "autistic-like," has many autistic characteristics," etc. The lower the score, the less likely the child is to be diagnosed as autistic. Please note that most "autistic-like" children will also benefit from the highly structured educational programs that have proven beneficial to autistic children. Form E2 should not be used to exclude children from appropriate education." It was interesting to have the form scored professionally regardless, and it will give me something to share (beyond what I have planned already) with her developmental pediatrician at her appointment next week.

Hmmm

Here's an interesting article linking sleep apnea to bedwetting. Katherine does have some symptoms of sleep apnea including frequent snoring, mouth breathing, night-time coughing (not all of the time)and night sweats. It might be an interesting avenue to explore any way.

Speaking of Katherine, she was a little under the weather all day yesterday and ended up throwing up right before she sat down to dinner. It was kind of strange really because while she was kind of "blah" she didn't actually seem sick per se. She was fine for the rest of the night and today so I am guessing it might have been weather-related...like maybe she was slightly dehydrated? Who knows. She seems better today regardless, and I have been doing a better job of making sure all of us keep hydrated.

Putting Two and Two Together

On Friday night of last week, we took the girls to Brigham's for dinner, after eye doctor appointments for Katherine and I. Katherine had cheese quesadillas and an ice cream for dessert. In the middle of the night, she was on the toilet, literally crying in pain (yes, I know TMI but it's essential to the story). This is not the first time that something like this has happened and after thinking about it for a while, I realized that it only happens when we go out to a restaurant for a meal. It might have happened occasionally after eating at home, but these times were so far and few between, it's not worth considering. After further thought, I realized that it only happens when she has had both dinner and dessert (we rarely have dessert at home and if we do, it's not always ice cream).Katherine is pretty predictable when it comes to ordering. She almost always gets a grilled cheese sandwich or cheese quesadillas and some sort of ice cream type dessert. The one time recently that I can remember her ordering something different it was a hamburger, and, of course ice cream dessert. This is the only time in recent memory that I can remember her not ending up in the bathroom when all was said and done.

So, the point? I think she might be (or still be) lactose intolerant. She always was as an infant, and although lower fat milk does not mean lactose free milk, she has never been able to properly digest whole milk. We drink skim, because Emily, who also had a lactose free formula, also can't handle the whole milk(in fact Julia, who was also on a lactose-free formula is the only one of my children who went to whole milk at 1 year).

After coming to these conclusions, I decided to read up a bit on food intolerances and allergies and it turns out? There is a ton of research/stories of children who have stopped bed wetting after eliminating the offending food from the diet. There is also research/stories of children whose asthma and chronic cough were eradicated by eliminating the offending food. So, since she has obvious symptoms of lactose intolerance it seems to me that it would make sense to try a dairy-free diet with her to see if it helps with the bed wetting/asthma/cough as well as the intestinal issues.

I need to look at this a little further and read up on what foods might be forbidden (besides the obvious milk, cheese etc) and decide what I want to do but it all seems to be pretty clear to me. If we go ahead with it, we'll have to see if it works but on the surface, before even trying it? It seems like it may be the key.

Hard to Tell

Which is the front and which is the back, isn't it?
Katherine? Definitely got her father's hair. In these pictures, I have pulled some of her hair from the sides to cover her face, and left the back as is. I miss my thick (er) hair, but even at it's thickest? It was never Katherine's.

Sad

I just found out through my mother, that Katherine's preschool teacher's son who is a friend of the family, is not going to make it through the weekend. He just found out he had cancer again, after fighting and beating it a couple of years back. He is 25 years old. Her husband died about 4 years ago from cancer too. I don't know how the people that are left behind go on after these kinds of things.

If you pray to anyone or any thing, can you please add them to your prayers? And, even if you don't, keep them in your thoughts, if you could.

Adorableness

This morning I heard Emily and Katherine getting up. They were in the kitchen getting their breakfast (which yes, I let them do if they are awake before the 6:15 alarm). Anyway, they turned on the tv in the living room and I heard all kinds of yelling and screaming, and what sounded like the Indiana Jones theme song playing on the tv.

They were watching, of their own accord, the recorded Red Sox World Series Ring Ceremony. Ryun would be proud, Grandpa too I think. They are so darn cute sometimes, I can't stand it.