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Tuesday, October 05, 2010


Today, Ryun got a job.

Today, for the first time in who knows how long I actually made a conscious effort to pray for something (in this case for Ryun to get a job).

Today, just a few short hours after I prayed for this, it came to be.

It's not the first time something like this has happened to me but each time it does, it stirs up feelings that are unexplainable. It makes me question even further exactly what I believe.

Not too long ago I finished reading the book, "Women, Food and God" written by Geneen Roth. As I always do, I went through the book highlighting parts that spoke to me or that I may want to refer back to. There was one part that described the author's feelings about a higher power. It was perhaps the single most reflective part of the whole book for me, in that it seemed to perfectly describe how I feel about "God" most of the time. Here it is.

"I don't believe in a God with long white hair and x ray vision that favors some people, some countries, some religions and not others. I don't believe in the sky dweller, the knower of all things, the granter of prayers. But I do believe in the world beyond appearances, and that there is so much that we can't see or touch or know just by looking. And I do believe-because I have experienced it again and again-that the world beyond appearances is as real as a chair, a dog, or a teapot. And I believe in love. And beauty. I believe every single person has something they find beautiful and that they truly love. The smell of their child's hair, the silence of the forest, their lover's crooked grin. Their country, their religion, their family. And I believe if you follow this love all the way to it's end, if you start with the thing you find the most beautiful and trace it's perfume back to it's essence, you will perceive an intangible presence, a swath of stillness that allows the thing you love to be visible like the openness of the sky reveals the presence of the moon. I don't believe in the God that most people call God, but I do know that the only defintiion that makes any sense is one that uses this human life and its suffering-the very things we believe we need to hide or fix-as a path to the heart of love itself."

I don't know by who or what my prayers were answered-or if Ryun's getting a job just hours after I asked for it to be was mere coincidence. I'd like to think that it wasn't though. There is something comforting in knowing that the universe was looking out for me and that maybe, just maybe there is some greater being listening to and answering my prayers.

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