Does any one else find it impossibly hard to bridge the gap between what is too personal in nature to post and what isn't? I ask that question rhetorically of course because I know the answer for most would be yes. I have family and friends alike that read this blog but there are only some with whom I would like to share, by way of writing, my deepest thoughts and some that, well, I would rather not.
Today for example, I wanted to say that I felt like crap after leaving a counseling appointment and that as upset as I was, I was also on a certain level happy that I was sad because, it meant that for the first time in the history of my life, I was opening up.
I don't know why I worry about putting such things out there like that (like yeah, I am actually admitting to seeing a counselor and what the heck I have been on anti-depressants, and while we're at it I am just a bit more crazy than most people might think, and no my life isn't or wasn't as perfect as I would like y'all to think). Oddly, the people who know this all already are exactly the same people (well some of them anyway) that I don't want reading this. Mainly because I don't want the backlash (Oh my God, Sharon is having a rough time, maybe she's going to go off the deep end and lose it again, maybe she should do this, maybe she should do that, is she taking her medicine, blah blah blah). Because it doesn't help. Not one bit. It makes things worse, actually, even if it is coming from a good place.
I've tried and thought about the anonymous blogging piece. It just isn't the same. There are some people who read this blog whose thoughts and opinions mean the world to me, and I am just not willing to give that up. I need to get over my "don't rock the boat" attitude and lose the fear of revealing my true(r) self because you know what? I am who I am. And, this is my blog after all.