...for self improvement, I did the following things today:
-joined a gym for the first time in my life. The last time I got regular exercise (except for spots here in there for a week or two at a time) was probably high school gym class. That was 17 years ago. It's pathetic and shameful to even admit that but if I am not 100% honest and upfront about this I'll never break through whatever it is that has been holding me back. Besides the obvious physical benefits of exercise, I am almost just as much looking forward to the mental benefits. There is no doubt that a little boost of self confidence and faith in myself, both of which I have always lacked, will be a good thing.
-took out of the cabinet the 31 (yes 31) recipe/cookbooks that I have and haven't used in God knows how long so I can page through them, pick out recipes that I will use and compile them in to one spot (perhaps a binder with dividers). I really need to put more effort and more variety in to what I cook around here. The fact that I cook 95% of what we eat (as opposed to eating out or ordering in) is good but I could certainly be healthier about it than I am.
I have no idea what has taken me so long but, over the past couple of days, I have come to a lot of conclusions. The biggest and most important one? I need to do a hell of a lot better job taking care of myself than I do. Yes I am only 35, but at the same, time...I am 35. This is only going to get harder the older I get. I also can't help but think about how fast time passes. Do I really want to look, and more importantly feel this way for the next 35 years? I can't keep doing this to myself...or to my kids. I have so much more to offer them, but besides that, I want to be a good example. There are some parts of my life in which I do set a good example. In the area of self care, good examples for the kids are lacking...severely. I want them to grow up being confident, independent women. It's partly up to me to show them how to do that.
All of this is certainly motivation. The real motivation though is that I know, deep in my core, that I was given this life to serve a greater purpose. I don't feel like I am living up to what I know is my fullest potential and that is both physically and mentally painful. If I don't push through this and push on, I will never get to experience whatever this greater calling is (and I just know there is one). Knowing is half the battle...now it is time for action.
So as the saying goes: Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am done looking back. It's only forward motion from here.