...I have a lot going on, a lot on my mind, and alot I could actually post about right now. Trouble is, I can't seem to find the words...or at least the right words that would prevent me from coming off like a royally cranky bitch.
I'm not sure what's going on here lately, but my mood has been dark, my fuse short, and my overall attitude could use some serious improvement.
Part of it is the car situation (we are still waiting for the minivan which is a long story I am not going to get in to).
Part of it is that the weather SUCKS (except for a day or two here and there that actually feels like spring, it's been cold or rainy or even threatening to snow for the better part of the month). All I am asking for is 60's and sunny. Seriously, it's April frickin' 11th...can we say BYE BYE Winter?
Part of it is being worried about the results of Julia's genetic testing (even though I am trying to put it out of my mind, and even though I feel confident that the results will come back normal). It's always in the back of my mind and the waiting game STINKS.
Part of it is just being me...which means being busy and not busy enough at the same time (don't ask, it's a hard concept to explain). It means feeling extremely lazy at times and feeling guilty about it. It means being a procrastinator. It means being a wife and Mom, which in and of itself can be overwhelming.
Part of it is being concerned about Katherine, who gained 17 lbs in one years time (which is a lot for a kid) and is still not potty trained at night at the age of 7 1/2. These two things, compiled with her diagnosis of ketotic hypoglycemia, which her endocrinologist said can be a precursor to diabetes, have me worried. More than that, her pediatrician, whom I usually adore seems to think that putting an alarm in her pants (yeah I know) will solve the problem. Basically the alarm gets wet and it sounds and is supposed to wake the kid up and get them to go in the toilet. That's all fine and freakin' dandy, but lets talk about why she pees like 50 times a night, huh? Procrastination comes in to play quite nicely here too, because I am deathly afraid that I am going to make an appointment at her endocrinologist and he is going to do the glucose tolerance and blood sugar tests and tell me she's diabetic. And I just can't take anymore of this medical crap. Yes, yes, yes I know I need to and I will. It's just, you know, one more thing.
I know my family has noticed the gloom lately too, and for reasons I can't get in to here, I know that based on past experiences, they are probably worried. That in and of itself, even with the best of intentions in mind can be aggravating because, well, I am human, ya know? Just because I am going through a "thing" right now, doesn't mean I am going to go off the deep end. The difference between the past in the present is my mindset. Yes, life is tough right now, but it's not the end of the world. Something will come along that will bring me back to my senses and I will be fine again. Something always comes along...it's the natural way of things I think.
4 comments:
The weather is definitely NOT helping. At all. I suppose it's payment for December, but still...
I hope it gets better sooner rather than later.
I know it was warmer in December. How much did Katharine grow? Em had a almost 4 inches (last year 4) with a 13 lb gain this year. She might being going through a huuuuuuuuge spurt.
Bedwetting isn't exactly uncommon in the family. In particular, I wasn't fully and completely over it until I hit about 10, though it did subside. I was probably at the worst of it around Katherine's age, where they tried scare tactics and the whole nine yards. It's all about sleeping that deeply.
I still don't know what the cause was. As I hit puberty and the equipment became multifunction, the problem went away for good. Barring extreme bouts of depression, sudden weight gain and a couple of associated deep sleeping incidents a few years ago, and perhaps a few others over the decades.
I wouldn't be surprised if there was a sleep disorder factor.
When I was a kid one of the things they had me do was the kegel (?) type of exercises, practicing stopping and starting the flow, which at the time I didn't take as seriously as I might have, but which is an excellent idea. If your body instinctively clamps down hard and long enough, you WILL get full enough to notice without dribbling it out.
We never tried alarms and stuff, but this was the sixties and they probably have stuff nobody could have imagined back then. Perhaps it would be a good idea. I just wouldn't rush to judgment that it's diabetes. It doesn't have to have that kind of cause or be that level of crusade.
You might be surprised to know that there's nobody who feels worse about this than katherine herself, and you want to be careful how you handle it. I was guite literally scarred for life by the experience and how it was handled.
My friend Quido says I meant "quite," not "guite."
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