I was thinking that I would send this out...

...when Julia is older and I decide to re-join the workforce.



Objective: obtain a position where I can utilize the diverse skills obtained in the fast-paced world of motherhood.

Experience (1997-present)

Waste Management Control: dispose of more remains than Tony Soprano, including one-legged action figures and those art projects that mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night.

Engineer: (Practically) earned and advanced degree in toy assembly. Successfully completed final project: assembling a ride-on pony at 2am on Christmas.

Detective: Solved hundreds of cases including, "The Mysterious Brown Stain On The Carpet" and "Who's Been Eating Mommy's favorite Cookies?" Hope to crack the case "The Midnight Appearance of the Toddler Dressed In Inside-Out and Upside-Down Pajamas."

Singer: Entertain small and large crowds with diverse repertoire, ranging from the Blue's Clues theme song to the Rolling Stones's "(Can't Get No) Satisfaction."

Technician: Quickly, and with very little swearing, extract Lego's from DVD player and pick pennies from between computer keys.

Food Scientist: Create well-balanced meals in which no item touches another, instantaneously turn "peas" in to "magic green grow pellet's."

Actor: realistically convey enthusiasm for up to three consecutive games of Go fish. Emmy worthy performances include, "Good Job On The Potty" and "Mommy's Not Mad, She Just Needs a Time-Out."

Coach: Lead my team to many successes, including sharing for longer than seven seconds.

Skills: Handling demanding bosses, tracking down lost blankets, distracting hungry clients with only a set of keys and a travel pack of tissues.

Awards: The Butterfly Kiss Award, the "I Wuv u" Prize, and the coveted, "Mommy Your The Best" Honor.

References: Please contact three happy, healthy kids, and one (mostly) satisfied husband.

I'd like to take credit for this, but I can't. I stole it out of this months' issue of "Parenting" magazine.